Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Face Value

“See, I can’t change the design once I have made it. I am sorry, but you’ll have to live with this fact. You’ll never be a hunk in a woman’s eyes”, said the God to the dark skinned Indian male.

“Well, then change her eye’s, you have to do something about this!” said the Indian.

The Indian used to be quite happy with himself. His looks and complexion were not at all a bother for him. He could play 'Gilli-Danda' and 'Kabbadi' all day long in the sun without sun lotion; feel the sun on his face without a worry of a skin cancer. No tan lines. He used to laugh at his caucasian friends, who turned pink in the sun. Life was pretty good so far, but what goes up comes down; and so it happened.


One fine day, when the Indian Male was at play, God released some beta versions of womankind. The beta women flocked on the Juhu beach, where the Indian was playing ball, with some Caucasians. The moment they noticed this new species, they were dumbstruck. The ball game was forgotten, a new game of ‘who gets who’ started. The Indian realized, except ‘Gilli-danda’ and ‘Kabbabdi’ he wasn’t good at anything. He tried his best to look graceful, macho and charming, but to no avail. Every cave resounded with sounds of pleasure that night, but his. He slept alone that night, a defeated man.

“Okay fine, fine…now don’t give me those looks, let me think”, God interrupted the Indian's depressing train of thoughts. “Hmm, I shouldn’t have done this, it’s my mistake I admit, I should have made all of you the same…” he added in a sotto voce. God was a little sad, he felt like V.P Singh, after passing the mandal commission proposal on reservation for backward castes. There was no solution. Even the light at the end of the tunnel had a brown tinge.

Indian was the only successful beta version of God’s male creations. He was a survival machine. His dark skin could withstand the UV radiation. He had a lot of hair to save him from extreme heat and cold. He wasn’t tall and white, making it easier for him to hide in the bushes while hunting. He was very lithe, and could climb up trees whenever chased by lions. His skin tone matched the bark of any tree in the forest, his camouflaged ambush was lethal. He never slept on an empty stomach. Today he seemed like a flawed piece.


God went through his inventory; there were still quite a few things to be introduced in World. His head did some permutations; there was still a solution possible. “I hope he buys it”, He thought.

With a little hesitation God said, “My son, I am sorry for what I did to you. I just wanted to experiment a little, please understand. Still, I can make some amends. See, I am going to invent something called ‘money’. It can buy you anything in this World, even a compliment from a woman. Now, will that satisfy you?” He noticed the Indian’s eyes come alive.

“Does that mean I will have a lot of money?” asked the happy Indian.

“Umm …not exactly, but it will be one thing which you and Caucasian will have an equal shot at. Both of you will have to figure it out…you know sort of. See, the best part is, money won’t know the color of your skin. You can attract money…and then attract a woman…are you getting what I am saying?” He added.

Indian came back to his cave, with a heavy head. He was ecstatic and sad at the same time. He hit his bed early and dozed off with a game plan. Play time was over. There was a lot of work to be done.

Next day, by afternoon, while the Caucasian was still hanging around in forests, calling himself Adam and looking for Eve, the Indian had already invented wheel, discovered fire, conceptualized ‘Zero’ and developed a township. He also helped the Caucasian figure out Christianity, and sold him the discoveries and inventions at a huge profit. Money happened. Moreover, this time around, respect and compliments were a natural by product, from the beta females. Though, he was not a hunk, the tall, white, chiseled, muscular mass of skin and hair which would make a ‘woman’ swoon. Still, he didn’t feel like a zero now; he was free wheeling all over the globe with a fire in his belly. “Thank you God…you behaved like one” was the only thought he had. Indian was content.


God on the other hand, was not really happy with himself. He is still trying to make things equal for the Indian. He tried convincing the whites to change to brown but there was a huge uproar. He couldn’t change the blacks and browns to white either. He made Michael Jackson do it once, but every one still called him a black. There was no solution. Even the light at the end of the tunnel had a brown tinge.

He figured a long term plan and tried racial cross pollination. He made the Caucasian invade India and the other way round. Offspring’s like Johns and Dinos, looked like positive results of His effort. In a few eons all the humans will be hunky and beautiful, thank to his efforts.



As of now, in parts of south India, the story is different. The original Indian is still found in all his glory there. He hasn’t changed. He still wakes up in the morning and looks into the mirror, “I need to be better at Mathematics, start an IT firm, buyout a Caucasian’s factory, win a Pulitzer…and then I am sure she will call me a Hunk ”, he tells himself as he combs his chest hair and puts oil on his mahogany skin.





2 comments:

Meenakshi said...

wow!

that sure rings true to some extent...

but even the south has changed a bit pal..

u find equally eccentruc guys here too...

kabhi aaake dekho tho pata chal jayega...

Pooja Sharma said...

funny!